It was a cold and dark November day when in 2012 I entered this abandoned, decaying ruin for the very first time. We didn’t come there for tourist or photo purposes. My brother and I, as Your Heritage Foundation, came to meet with the then owner of the facility to chceck the actual technical condition of the building and our possibilities of helping it.
Despite the windows bricked up with old blocks and bricks, despite the holes in the collapsing roof, despite the huge amount of rubble, rotten wood and dust. Despite the darkness, gloom and destruction, there was still a glimmer of hope in this place. For the rescue. For the new life. It was then that my brother and I made the crazy decision to renovate this former evangelical church. Taking responsibility for its future life.
During the brainstorming session, many ideas arose in our heads for various types of projects that could bring seeds of new breath to these old walls. But during that short first visit, my imagination saw a beautiful picture. Where the majesty, beauty, delicacy and at the same time the strength and peace of a creature such as a horse can harmonize with the aura of this interior. It was the time when I was taking my first tentative steps into the field of self-portrait photography, mainly running through the morning dew dancing with the Mists, so I didn’t even consider myself as a photographer in this matter. Besides, the interior first had to be made safe for the live beings inside.
As this aspect was becoming more and more fulfilled, I started talking to various photographers who professionally create horse photography. Most of them were delighted with the idea, talking about the models for the photos – gray horses, white horses, with long manes, breeds of some sort, such as baroque beauty, knowing different tricks.
In 2021, two photo sessions with horses took place inside. Both taken by one photographer. She invited beautiful models. With long manes, also with fake manes attached, perfectly groomed for the show. On the one hand, I wanted to complete this project, on the other… it was almost a year after I was poisoned and sexually abused. When I was struggling with severe depression and the schizophrenic states, pharmacologically induced by the drug I was given. The time right before I almost hanged myself. The time I was feeling that there was nothing waiting for me in life…
When the horses and the entire team arrived, I wanted to hide. Disappear. Fall asleep and never wake up again… My brother pulled me out of the car because he knew how important this idea was to me. That I’ve waited so many years to see with my own eyes how dreams become tangible reality.
However, it was not my dream come true. Because my heart saw something different long time ago…
After a few more years, after „renovating” myself and after subsequent renovation works in the Pearl, after minutes, hours and days spent learning the natural light of the Pearl, I invited my two beautiful older ladies inside.
Horses dark. Bay.
Horses that don’t have beautiful pedigrees. What’s more, Agresja has a wonderful NN (non nomen) written in her passport.
Horses with natural manes and tails. A little longer here, a little worn there from life in the Forest.
Horses with fat bellies getting ready for Winter in natural environment.
Horses that don’t smell of cosmetics, but of the Wind tangled in their hair. Mud left on the fur. The Forest where they live. Horses that smell like themselves.
Horses that are my Family. Who went with me through the hell of human cruelty.
And I invited them to interior safe for them. Where I could calmly let them go free and watch them explore the space on their own. Watch how they rest in it. How they peacefully sleep inside.
These are not photos of horses standing vigorously, with perfectly positioned legs, necks, heads and ears. These are not photos of horses put in perfect places, with ropes (or even people holding them) retouched later.
These are natural photos. Peaceful. Sleeping. With tiny note of reminding to Agresja how we used to have fun together when we lived all the time next to each other…
Full gallery you can watch here.
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A huuuge thanks to the best helper ever, my big Brother! And to Pixie, who unnoticingly, quietly and fabulously sneaked into one photo.
